With her head downshe coquettishly bounces to a reserved seat up frontFederline is already heretrying to project grown-up authority in his Lexus salesman suitHe’s got about $20,000 of diamonds gleaming in his earsbut he isn’t taking them outno matter how much the lawyer told him that it was a smart idea.”
Who is Jeff Weiss?
A Libra who lives in Los AngelesNot your typical celebrity tell-allbut a hybrid dispatch from someone reluctantly inside the beast—writing as both observer and participantWaiting for Britney Spears is funnytragicself-awareand ultimately a scathing portrait of the era that turned mental breakdown into mass entertainment.
The excerpt shared below —exclusive to HIH readersis pulled from the bookreleased on June 10.
Snag a Copy of The Book Here
Named a Most Anticipated Book by PeopleVultureA.VIn front of the colorless six-story cube where they shot Perry MasonOliver and I are surrounded by nattering reporters and a failed comic wearing a dream castle on his head.
Britney steers through the hordegently denting two paparazzi when they get too closeWith her head downshe coquettishly bounces to a reserved seat up frontFederline is already heretrying to project grown-up authority in his Lexus salesman suitHe’s got about $20,000 of diamonds gleaming in his earsbut he isn’t taking them outno matter how much the lawyer told him that it was a smart idea.
The judge calls the court to orderNomulti-millionairehoo-haw flashingleading-America’s daughters-to-sin pop star will come under his bailiwick and think that they don’t have to play by the rules.
What no one ever tells you about the legal process is that most of what’s admitted is up to the judge’s discretionOf coursethere are penal codesbut nearly everything is open to specious argumentsAnd the judge is letting everything fly in favor of Federline.
“Your honorif it may please the courtI would like to call attention to a deposition from a MrRay Barrettoa professional security officer in the employ of Miss Spears from late March to the middle of May this year.”
“You may proceed,the judge tells Federline’s attorneya ratty man in an expensive suitwho looks a lot like one of MrBurnshigh-priced lawyers.
“Objectionyour honor,Britney’s attorney speaks upOliver whispers that this distinguished bald gentleman in his late 70s was once Cary Grant’s lawyer“Since you’re the third attorney to represent your client in the past three monthsperhaps you are unaware of her recurring pattern of insubordination and irresponsibility before this court“We repeat this information not out of a desire for redundancybut to establish a pattern that illustrates why my client deserves full custody to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the children.”
“If you recall your honorMrBarretto gave testimony pertaining to an event that
he witnessed on May 2nd of this year,Federline’s attorney continues“He witnessed her driving around with styrofoam cups of Jack Daniels and Coca-Colaas well as snorting a ‘powdery substancein a nightclub.”
“Objection your honor,Britney’s lawyer interrupts againMrBarretto told the court that Miss Spears was forbidden to swim alone with her childrenWhen he asked another security officer if that was because they were worried that she would drown themthe officer shrugged his shoulders and replied ‘I don’t know.”
“ObjectionHer lifestyle presents extenuating circumstances that do not allow her to be up and ready to take twice-weekly tests at one hour’s notice—especially not before nine in the morningYou can see Lufti’s neck
veins bulge as he tries to stifle the rageWe would also like to present the court with a recent copy of HIMagazinein which MsSpears is described as ‘acting bizarreand amidst an ‘emotional cry for help.’”
“Objection,Britney’s attorney raises his armas well as present additional affidavits from two more former bodyguards and a nanny—who claim that Miss Spears has given the babies soda and coffeeput whitening strips on their teethand forced them to sit in soiled diapers for hours.”
“That will be enough for nowcounselor,the judge respondsThis was a former police detective who had long divided the world into good guys and bad hombresThe judge grants Britney two daytime visits and one overnight a weekBut she and the children must be supervised at all times—with no exceptions.
